I have been very emotional lately-- With our oldest being in Ecuador and worrying about her safety, Kenzie graduating from High School (YAY!!), TK getting ready to get his drivers license…
There are times in my life when I think about Keith, my late husband, more than others. I love Mark, and I love my family, but that doesn't mean my mind and heart don't take me back…through all of the big events that Keith has missed in his kids lives, and all of the little events that he has missed too. (I like to believe that he hasn't really missed them, but observed them from a distance!)
I pulled out an old journal recently and the entry seems appropriate to share today - Father's Day.
A little background before I start… at the time I wrote this, Keith was in the end stages of his life, and in and out of reality. He was barely aware of his surroundings, and there were very few times that he was alert at all. That's what made this morning such an amazing one, and the words that came from his mouth and heart the greatest blessing.
June 6, 2001
Keith awoke this morning looking so alert and "alive." After I got the girls off to school I went in to sit with him - in the midst of the unreal; we are in a half built cabin- raccoons are all over. He thinks they are under the bed and in the walls and wants to figure out how to get them out. The reality leaps out through the cracks of the cabin at me. He misses his Dad. He cries. He doesn't want the kids to use his death as an excuse for failure in their lives. He said that he was going to write a letter to them, telling them that. I told him he should do it right then and that I would help him. I went and got a pen and some paper and he began to speak what was in his heart - things he wanted to make sure his kids knew. With such clarity he spoke. I haven't heard him talk like that in so long.
(This is what he dictated to me word for word without stopping. I still have the sheets of notebook paper with the words scribbled as quickly as he spoke them…)