A Note of Encouragement

Simply me.... Just pondering life.

As I am lying in bed, feeling worn out, overwhelmed, and just plain under the weather, my phone tweets letting me know I have just received a new text.
              Yes, my phone tweets.
It's the only notification sound that doesn't scare the other baby in the house-- our 125 lb Bernese Mountain Dog.  (Plus it is Spring...a tweet seemed appropriate!)

Here is what the text read:

"Theresa, what u are doing RIGHT NOW, with Willow and this season of life, is so pleasing to God. It is not a waste of time or energy. It is precious to Him. Your self sacrifice has not gone unseen nor will it go unrewarded. I just felt like God wanted me to tell you that."

I have been in , well, kind of a state of confusion lately. (Shhhh to those of you saying, "Just lately?!)   I've been trying to figure out where God wants me and what he wants me to be doing.

I touched on the subject here…  Yes, I know we are doing everything we should be doing when it comes to Willow.  We are blessed to have her in our lives!

It goes beyond that…

You see, I ran my own promotional product distribution/marketing business for over 10 years.  I loved it!  I loved it until all of the trouble started with HB (Wee One's BM)
                                She took all of my
                                time and energy.
(And this was all BW…..Before Willow.)  About 4 years ago we made the decision for me to quit my business.  It wasn't that we were giving up a lot of money,   because I wasn't a Fortune 500 company or anything,
                                                 but I did give up
                                                 a part of myself.

It was an outlet for me to be creative, to be social, to be productive outside of my home.
When I quit I made the decision that I was going to go back to school to pursue graphic design-
which I had taught myself, and used to run my business, but didn't have a degree in, and then ...
I was going to get a really cool job doing really cool stuff, and Boyfriend and I would take lots of vacations with the massive amounts of money I was making...
Then along came Willow.

"On the night you were born,
the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in
to see you
and the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been
anyone like you...
ever in the world."

I firmly believed that I needed to be home while my kids were little.  My convictions haven't changed.

I know that I need to be home with Willow,
loving her, teaching her, caring for her.
No one can do that like a momma can…or in this case, me.**

Why is it so hard to NOT worry about what I could be doing and focus on what I AM doing?

I know that is what God wants from me.  
I know that is where i find my peace.  
I also know that I will forget all of that in a few days and start asking those questions again.

So, dear friend, Thank you.
Thank you for listening to God and for sharing your words of encouragement with me today.  "God is pleased with me… really?"  I pray so.  I will continue to seek His will, not only in my tomorrows, but in what I am doing today.

Sh sh should we?

People think she is older than she is-- 
partly because she is a little tall for her age, but mostly because of how smart she is.  

I know what you are thinking: 
"Every Grandparent thinks their grandchild is a genius!"  
You are right, they do.  BUT Wee one is one of the smartest little people I have ever met!  I know there are way more gifted babes out there in the world, but like I said…I have never met one.  Seriously.  

One of the things that makes her abnormal is the fact that she understands, and has understood, concepts that I should be trying to teach her. For example: hot vs. warm vs. cold.  She knows the difference.  
She will even say, "this is a little too hot, can we make it warm?"  
She knows up from down, in from out.
She can draw W's, make circles, and put her own shoes on.
She uses full sentences.  The longest I have counted was around 12 words!

Crazy stuff  for a wee one that isn't even 2 yet! 

Don't get me wrong, she isn't one of those kids that can recite all 50 states, or that knows every letter of the alphabet.  
And she doesn't always say exactly what she means, for example (These are a few of my favorites…)

'Should we take her boots off now?'  (Meaning, "Should we take my boots off now?"  Everything is "Should we."  I love it!  
'Should we take a bath now?'
'Should we go outside now?'  LOVE IT!  
                                            She is soooo cute!

It was so sad to listen to her (but so stinking adorable, too!) recently when she went from using just a few words in a sentence to the longer sentences.  
She would stutter as the first word or two came out as she was trying to put the rest of the sentence together in her head….
 

"Should, should, should, should we read a book now?"
"I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not go to bed yet."  

Her little eyes close and her head tilts to the side as she repeats the first word over and over AND THEN she opens her eyes and finishes her sentence.
                                                   OH MY GOSH!
At first I was concerned that this might be a speech problem, so I watched her closely and figured out that it was just the jump in the number of words she was trying to spit out.  Her little mouth wasn't ready to keep up with her brain! The stuttering lasted for a few weeks and then slowly disappeared, showing up just occasionally now.

I don't take any credit for how advanced Wee one is other than the fact that we do read to her A LOT, and we have never been big on baby talk.
We just talk to her like we would talk to each other.

It actually kind of scares me that she is so bright.  
Her Momma was almost as advanced as her at this age.  
BM (Birth Momma…Remember?) said her first word at 6 months old that wasn't momma or dada- it was bear.  That's not the amazing part- the amazing part was that she KNEW WHAT A BEAR WAS! We would show her different things and she wouldn't respond, show her the bear and she would get excited and say "Bear!  Bear!'  (Yes, we actually have it video taped and have had to show people that this story is true)

BM was talking in short sentences at 1, just like Wee one.  
The scary thing is that BM tested as MENSA level gifted when she was older- 
but how'd that work out for her?  
                                 Not good so far.  
She has always thought that she was soo much smarter than everyone else; her parents, her teachers, her doctors. 

Soooo… I will just share with you how smart I think Wee one is (and not let her read this blog.) I will just keep telling her how loving and kind she is, and keep the focus on her heart… 

peace of pizza - a wee bit.

Rocking her to sleep at night, I often sing the song "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you, and give you peace, and give you peace forever."  The other night while rocking and singing this to her, her eyes are closed as she's drinking her bottle and drifting off to sleep, I get to the verse "...and give you peace, and give you peace for...." Her eyes pop open and she pulls her bottle from her mouth, "Piece!  Piece a pizza!  Piece a pizza!"  Yes, Willow.  "... and give you peace, and give you pi-ece of pi-zza."  (20 months old)

Willow's Journey

I could kick myself for not keeping a baby book for Willow....(I won't, because I am against violence, but I do deserve a good kick!)

I thought about it often, but every time the thought crossed my mind, guilt and sadness overwhelmed my being. 

"I am not the one that should be keeping a baby book, filling in all of the precious firsts that take place in Wee ones life..."  is what I kept telling myself.  Truth is, I was the one that has been blessed to see all of those precious moments that Moms treasure. 

Willow's  first time rolling over, sitting up, her first tooth, crawling and then walking...the  dancing and singing.  Do I remember it all?  Yes, I was there for all of it! but I wish i would have documented it all for her to read about when she is older.

I am going to make up for it!  Right here, right NOW I am going to record all of the wonderful things that happen on Wee Willow's Journey and share it with you! 

Now, since I am behind I most likely will be sharing some exciting "firsts" from her past as well.  Why not?  I can share whatever I want here... It is my blog, right? (And I'm sure there will be lots of photos thrown in just for fun!)

smells- a wee bit.

While cooking tonight Willow asked DoDo, " More, smells?"  DoDo didn't understand what she was saying, so Willow showed her the drawer.  And said, More, smells?  The drawer holds all of our spices.  As DoDo opened up each bottle, willow would say, "yumm..." or "no, no, yuck!" (18 months old)

On the Night You Were Born

Tonight we were driving home after a visit with Hannah.  The crescent moon was low on the horizon and was bright and beautiful.  Willow immediately pointed it out.

Every time the moon was hidden behind some trees she would say,
"Where'd she go?"  
Then when it popped back out from behind them she would excitedly say 
"There she is!" 

The moon looked so low in the sky that she would keep saying, "Uh Oh.  Fall Down."  "Oh, Boy!  Fall Down!"  and point at the moon. (cuteness.)

  

Her eyes would be looking out the window at the moon 
and we would hear in a little whisper, "Willow, Willow..."   
It wasn't until I was in bed thinking about the day that it hit me what you were doing!  
We often read the book, On The Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman.  

Throughout the story, we whisper her name, 
                                                     "Willow, Willow..."   

You are precious, Willow.  
Even the moon knows your name.

Winnie the Pooh

I know, I know.  I keep telling myself the same thing.  
It's just Winnie the Pooh... Why get so worked up about it?      Because it's Winnie the Pooh.... that's why.  

Willow and I have a nighttime routine.  
I run the bath water while  she runs around the bathroom naked tearing the towels off the shelf.   I give her her bath and float her around on her back while she makes fishy faces pretending she is a fish.  
When bath fun is over, she is dried and wrapped up in her butterfly towel and we sit on the edge of the tub while I dry her hair with the hairdryer and she brushes her eat.  Yes, I know, I said eat-- for some reason that is what she calls "teeth."  
It does make sense I guess--teeth...eat.  (Don't worry!  I am getting to the Pooh part!!) 

When we are done upstairs with bath and eat, we head down to where Papa has her jammies, socks and diaper waiting.  
We rub lotion all over, put a clean diaper on and then jammies.  Wee one runs around a bit, plays with everyone, and then I tell her it is night-night time.  
She walks around saying "bye" to everyone and blows them kisses.   
We head upstairs with blankies (one and two)  and bottle in hand, and cuddle up on my bed-- and this is where Pooh comes in. 

I usually let her pick her bedtime story and 90% of the time, yep, you guessed!  It's a Winnie the Pooh story.  

Willow will lie in my arms and listen as she drinks her bottle, following the story with her eyes until they begin to slowly close.  Soon her bottle is gone and the book is finished.  

She opens her eyes and usually makes goofy faces at me on our way to her bed.  This is so cute because she is barely awake, but feels the need to send me on my way with a smile!  We say our goodnight prayers during that little walk,  I kiss her Wee little forehead, place her in her crib and tell her to sleep like an angel and that Grammie loves her. 

You see, Pooh is ours.  Her BM asked if I would not take Willow to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie until she got out of treatment because she wanted to take her.  She hasn't put Willow to bed in 10 months, and she doesn't know any of what I shared with you about mine and Wee ones Pooh time.  
Nor has she ever read a Winnie the Pooh story to her.... 
so therefore, I ask you, am I silly being so worked up about this?  

It's okay-- Hit me with the truth.  I can take it.... well, maybe.

 "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." - Winnie the Pooh

Where are you God?

Willow's first time on the Merry-go-Round!

I am a Christian.   I have been for over 20 years.  I have asked God so many times in this journey where He was.  "Help me, God!  I am so overwhelmed with anger, pain, and fear...I can't see you, hear you, or feel you!"  Then He gently reminds me. 

Wee one looks at me with those big brown eyes, letting me know she feels safe and loved, as I rock her to sleep.  "Yes, God.  I see you."  Rolling around on the carpet, tickling wee one as she giggles and giggles.  "Okay, God...I hear you."  Outside, wee one puts up her hand and grabs my finger.   We walk together with the wind blowing through our hair, the sun shining on our faces, finger in hand, and there is peace.  "Yes, God.  I feel you."

When I am focused on myself, I can't see, hear, or feel God as I long to.  When I focus on the situation we are in, rather than living in the moment, I am lost, and continue to move in circles,   
                                                 going nowhere,   
because I can't see where I am going.  How is that fair to Willow?  How is that fair to the rest of my family?  It isn't. 

I will choose joy.  I will choose peace.  I will choose love.  

Unfortunately, I forget what the right choice is sometimes and start moving in those circles again, 

       round and round, guilt and anger, 

              round and round, fear and pain... until I am so 

                                                                               dizzy 

                                                                                 I fall down.  

That is when I reach my hands up and always find Him waiting for me. 

Ohhh, Momma

I love it when she says that.
It is usually when she is hurt or scared.  She looks up at me with those big brown eyes, and in her Wee little voice says, "Ohhh, Momma?"  as if she is asking if it is going to be okay.
My       heart       melts.  
Yes, Willow, it is going to be okay.  
                     I will make sure of it.  

It is getting easier when she calls me Momma.  
At first I had twinges of guilt every time she said it.  I am not her Momma- I am her Grandmother!  But that twinge is gone now.
  
I have always called myself Grammie when talking to her.  Everyone else does the same--- "Go give that to Grammie..."  
               yet she still calls me Momma.  
Wee one still calls her real Mother Momma, too.  Maybe to her it is just a name.  She hears her aunts and uncles call me Mom, so maybe she thinks that's just who I am-- Mom. 

I am sure that the day will come when she will look up at me with those same big eyes, and in her Wee little voice say, 
"Ohhhh, Grammie?"  and that will be okay, 
but for today, 
             I am Momma.