A Note of Encouragement

Simply me.... Just pondering life.

As I am lying in bed, feeling worn out, overwhelmed, and just plain under the weather, my phone tweets letting me know I have just received a new text.
              Yes, my phone tweets.
It's the only notification sound that doesn't scare the other baby in the house-- our 125 lb Bernese Mountain Dog.  (Plus it is Spring...a tweet seemed appropriate!)

Here is what the text read:

"Theresa, what u are doing RIGHT NOW, with Willow and this season of life, is so pleasing to God. It is not a waste of time or energy. It is precious to Him. Your self sacrifice has not gone unseen nor will it go unrewarded. I just felt like God wanted me to tell you that."

I have been in , well, kind of a state of confusion lately. (Shhhh to those of you saying, "Just lately?!)   I've been trying to figure out where God wants me and what he wants me to be doing.

I touched on the subject here…  Yes, I know we are doing everything we should be doing when it comes to Willow.  We are blessed to have her in our lives!

It goes beyond that…

You see, I ran my own promotional product distribution/marketing business for over 10 years.  I loved it!  I loved it until all of the trouble started with HB (Wee One's BM)
                                She took all of my
                                time and energy.
(And this was all BW…..Before Willow.)  About 4 years ago we made the decision for me to quit my business.  It wasn't that we were giving up a lot of money,   because I wasn't a Fortune 500 company or anything,
                                                 but I did give up
                                                 a part of myself.

It was an outlet for me to be creative, to be social, to be productive outside of my home.
When I quit I made the decision that I was going to go back to school to pursue graphic design-
which I had taught myself, and used to run my business, but didn't have a degree in, and then ...
I was going to get a really cool job doing really cool stuff, and Boyfriend and I would take lots of vacations with the massive amounts of money I was making...
Then along came Willow.

"On the night you were born,
the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in
to see you
and the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been
anyone like you...
ever in the world."

I firmly believed that I needed to be home while my kids were little.  My convictions haven't changed.

I know that I need to be home with Willow,
loving her, teaching her, caring for her.
No one can do that like a momma can…or in this case, me.**

Why is it so hard to NOT worry about what I could be doing and focus on what I AM doing?

I know that is what God wants from me.  
I know that is where i find my peace.  
I also know that I will forget all of that in a few days and start asking those questions again.

So, dear friend, Thank you.
Thank you for listening to God and for sharing your words of encouragement with me today.  "God is pleased with me… really?"  I pray so.  I will continue to seek His will, not only in my tomorrows, but in what I am doing today.

Simply about me.

This…..

is me.

a bit about me & why I blog.

To put it simply...I am here sharing bits of my life, hoping to touch yours.

From dealing with being abused as a child, being a young widow with four small children, getting remarried and becoming  mom to a blended crew of 7, dealing with a wayward child, to being a way too young grammie raising her grandchild…  I’ve experienced a lot in my life.  I believe that using our past as an excuse for anything is wrong.  I know that without the hope that I have in God, and the love that He has shown me, I would be lost.  I believe God has a plan for each of us, and although I wouldn't choose to relive everything that has happened in my life, I believe God can use me to help others because of my journey.

The main focus of this blog is described below, but I am sure to share bits and pieces on everything from the practical and insightful to the fun 
    and frolicky 

stuff of everyday life.

so why am I writing this blog? well…

Because I have always had the perspective that I didn’t need to know why I have had to go through the uncomfortable things in my life as long as thru them I could reach out and help another.

Okay.  That isn’t the only reason.  I need you, too.

Being a relatively hip, cool, and young (43 years young!) Grammie who is raising her granddaughter, I started seeking out information and support online only to find there was very little out there. I did find, however, that about 1 in 10 children are being raised by at least one grandparent!

Our beautiful little one is 28 months old. I was there at her birth, and she has been with us pretty much ever since that day…but more on that later! Wee little Willow brings so much joy to our lives that it is hard to imagine wanting life to be different, but we would. We would want her to be at home with a healthy Mom (And Dad), and then have plenty of play dates and fun time with Grammie and Papa. But that wasn’t the plan. Nope.

How come nothing ever goes according to plan?  Well, at least not according to my plan.

So while raising seven of our own kids, and just three years away from being empty nesters, we are starting the parenting journey from the Wee Willow beginning. 

I would call that a bitter-sweet blessing, but a blessing nonetheless!

So here  I am.…starting this journey called blogging to share my thoughts, stories, and my life with you all.

What would we be doing now?

I hate asking myself that question because I feel so guilty doing so.  but i do.  

There are nights when all of the older kids have gone out with their friends and Boyfriend and I are just sitting around watching Wee One play.  

Our youngest is 15 years old, 

                                 our oldest 23.  

Our children are out on the town, our friends are out on the town, 

                                                                                                                        and here we sit.

Don't get me wrong - we LOVE the time we  spend with Wee One, 
       it's just that, 
             well,     I wonder…

Would we be out having a fancy dinner, just the two of us, planning our next vacation?

Would we be out with some friends listening to some great jazz band we've wanted to see?

Would we be taking a romantic walk under the stars, reminiscing about where we've been and dreaming about where we want to be?

You see, we've done our time.  We were (and still are!) great parents.  Our lives revolved around our kids-(I know you are thinking, well, that was dumb! It's not healthy for a relationship to have your focus be your children!)
                  but when you raise 7 kids…some with special needs…
then you can tell me   
           HOW TO NOT 
have your life revolve around your children.

  

Sometimes we had up to 10 soccer practices a week to transport to and from, 5 games a weekend, 
    and really, can you even imagine tournaments??  
I literally had to map out who went where when and make sure boyfriend and I each had a copy of the list so we could drop off, pick up, drop off again… and hopefully remember to pick up our little athletes!  
                      It was wonderful.  Seriously.  
We loved living the life we lived, with just a few exceptions. 

Add in other after school activities, church, youth group, and such to the mix and our lives were beyond full.  We would often joke about the time when our kids would be grown and you would still be able to find us at the sidelines of the local soccer field,            cheering on the the kids. 

Our dreams for when our kids got older weren't large, 
                                                        they were just peaceful.  
A few trips here and there, being able to cook a nice meal together while sipping a glass of wine (stopping to slow dance when our favorite songs came on), 
being able to give more of our time and energy volunteering 
in our community and church.  

          simple.  lovely.  nice.

Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we have embraced it.  We will still have our trips, we will just be bringing along a toddler (WHAT A LUCKY KID!!),
we will still cook our meals and 
       dance our dances, but we will have a wee one dancing with us.
Our time volunteering will include an extra little helper… learning to give even at this wee young age.  What a great way for a kid to grow up…. Don't you think?  

And as for me wondering what we would be doing right now?  
Well, I'll just keep reminding myself that we are doing exactly what we would be…just with three of us instead of two.

Sh sh should we?

People think she is older than she is-- 
partly because she is a little tall for her age, but mostly because of how smart she is.  

I know what you are thinking: 
"Every Grandparent thinks their grandchild is a genius!"  
You are right, they do.  BUT Wee one is one of the smartest little people I have ever met!  I know there are way more gifted babes out there in the world, but like I said…I have never met one.  Seriously.  

One of the things that makes her abnormal is the fact that she understands, and has understood, concepts that I should be trying to teach her. For example: hot vs. warm vs. cold.  She knows the difference.  
She will even say, "this is a little too hot, can we make it warm?"  
She knows up from down, in from out.
She can draw W's, make circles, and put her own shoes on.
She uses full sentences.  The longest I have counted was around 12 words!

Crazy stuff  for a wee one that isn't even 2 yet! 

Don't get me wrong, she isn't one of those kids that can recite all 50 states, or that knows every letter of the alphabet.  
And she doesn't always say exactly what she means, for example (These are a few of my favorites…)

'Should we take her boots off now?'  (Meaning, "Should we take my boots off now?"  Everything is "Should we."  I love it!  
'Should we take a bath now?'
'Should we go outside now?'  LOVE IT!  
                                            She is soooo cute!

It was so sad to listen to her (but so stinking adorable, too!) recently when she went from using just a few words in a sentence to the longer sentences.  
She would stutter as the first word or two came out as she was trying to put the rest of the sentence together in her head….
 

"Should, should, should, should we read a book now?"
"I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not go to bed yet."  

Her little eyes close and her head tilts to the side as she repeats the first word over and over AND THEN she opens her eyes and finishes her sentence.
                                                   OH MY GOSH!
At first I was concerned that this might be a speech problem, so I watched her closely and figured out that it was just the jump in the number of words she was trying to spit out.  Her little mouth wasn't ready to keep up with her brain! The stuttering lasted for a few weeks and then slowly disappeared, showing up just occasionally now.

I don't take any credit for how advanced Wee one is other than the fact that we do read to her A LOT, and we have never been big on baby talk.
We just talk to her like we would talk to each other.

It actually kind of scares me that she is so bright.  
Her Momma was almost as advanced as her at this age.  
BM (Birth Momma…Remember?) said her first word at 6 months old that wasn't momma or dada- it was bear.  That's not the amazing part- the amazing part was that she KNEW WHAT A BEAR WAS! We would show her different things and she wouldn't respond, show her the bear and she would get excited and say "Bear!  Bear!'  (Yes, we actually have it video taped and have had to show people that this story is true)

BM was talking in short sentences at 1, just like Wee one.  
The scary thing is that BM tested as MENSA level gifted when she was older- 
but how'd that work out for her?  
                                 Not good so far.  
She has always thought that she was soo much smarter than everyone else; her parents, her teachers, her doctors. 

Soooo… I will just share with you how smart I think Wee one is (and not let her read this blog.) I will just keep telling her how loving and kind she is, and keep the focus on her heart… 

Resources, Links and Helpful Insights

RESOURCES , LINKS, AND HELPFUL INSIGHTS

I am a research freak.  When we first got physical custody of Willow I started researching every possible thing I coud about Grandparents raising Grandchildren. At first it was the legal aspect.  It was so hard not having legal custody, knowing that at anytime one of her birth parents, neither sober nor sane at the time, could come in and just take her away.

Now that we have full legal custody my searches have changed.
I am very concerned with the emotional and psychological issues associated with grandparents raising grandchildren.  
Believe it or not, I have found there is very little 

information on this topic.

I want to know the best way to help Wee One feel loved and secure.
I want to know how to explain to her why  she is being raised by us instead of BM and BF.
I want to do everything I can to give this little love 

every advantagefor a happy and productive life.

So.... Hopefully some of these will make your research a little easier.
I wish there was more beneficial information here, but it is a start.

I will continue to post what I find that might be of 
interest or of help to someone. 

Hey!  Did you know...
More than 1 million grandparents are taking on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren?  You may feel like you are alone in this journey-- but you are not!! We need to support and encourage each other!

SITES FOR GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDKIDS

• STATE FACT SHEETS - AARPEach state fact sheet includes state-specific data and helpful links such as:
  -Census Data
  -Local programs and resources
  -Foster care policies and Services
  -Public benefits and financial assistance
  -State laws 

• GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN BY KAREN WRIGHT
  Karen also has a blog Grandparentingblog.com She has a ton of information for grands raising their grandkids, as well as some great stories and links.

---

little lady - a wee bit.

Auntie DoDo calls Willow Little Lady.  The other afternoon Willow is eating her snack and decides to share with Mac, our Bernese Mountain Dog.  Mac gets a little excited and nips a little too hard when grabbing his snack from Willow, so Willow says, "No Mac! No hurt Little Lady!"  (21 months old)

A new room for wee one.

I know.... It's been a long time since i've checked in.  I've been busy! 
Boyfriend has been in Japan on a business trip for the last three weeks (And i am missing him like crazy!!)

so...I have been busy finishing up some projects around here- like Willow's room!  

What do you think?  

So I already shared the bedding with you (Thanks Chella and Brian!) that the room was designed around.

I started by painting the walls soft yellow and green, matching the bedding.  
I then started painting the tree.  
This was A LOT harder than I thought it would be...that is until I decided I was making it too hard!  
Yep, I was trying to make it perfect, 
but after I just relaxed and let my creative energy flowww, It turned out great!
  

I was going to cut out leaves from scrapbook paper for the tree, but on a trip to my local Kohls I found these cool wall decals that had not only leaves that matched perfectly, but some ADORABLE owls and birds to boot! 

(What does "to boot" mean ?!)  

I hung a little birdhouse, and I must say it adds just the right touch to the adorableness!

I put a brown beanbag chair and a basket of books
              at the bottom of the tree,
                 you know, for those times when she just feels like                       sitting under a tree                              
       and reading a book :)

Next was an idea I got from Family Fun.  
A clothesline to hold Wee One's cute little hats and coats!  
I just painted the posts and the line, added a bird from the Kohl's find, and a few drawer pulls for hooks!  

Cute, cute, cute!

   

Add the growth chart and mobile I made for Willow's first birthday...

      

and some special items, like the bird painting her BM (Bio Momma) painted and a chest that my late husband made
for me, and we have a room that Wee One LOVES! 

       

I have a few small (But too cute not to share!) projects to do before I consider the room done.  Stay tuned for more!

Willow's Journey

I could kick myself for not keeping a baby book for Willow....(I won't, because I am against violence, but I do deserve a good kick!)

I thought about it often, but every time the thought crossed my mind, guilt and sadness overwhelmed my being. 

"I am not the one that should be keeping a baby book, filling in all of the precious firsts that take place in Wee ones life..."  is what I kept telling myself.  Truth is, I was the one that has been blessed to see all of those precious moments that Moms treasure. 

Willow's  first time rolling over, sitting up, her first tooth, crawling and then walking...the  dancing and singing.  Do I remember it all?  Yes, I was there for all of it! but I wish i would have documented it all for her to read about when she is older.

I am going to make up for it!  Right here, right NOW I am going to record all of the wonderful things that happen on Wee Willow's Journey and share it with you! 

Now, since I am behind I most likely will be sharing some exciting "firsts" from her past as well.  Why not?  I can share whatever I want here... It is my blog, right? (And I'm sure there will be lots of photos thrown in just for fun!)

tiny feet, high heels.

Tiny feet, High Heels. 

Is the love of shoes inherent for some?  
I'd like to think that I am not responsible for this obsession Willow has for shoes.

Not only is she constantly putting on other people's shoes,  she seems to find the need to point out to complete strangers that they, too, are wearing shoes.

Sometimes it's cute.... other times, not so cute.   "Shoes...dirty." While pointing at the strangers feet with a disgusted look on her face.  

When she spots a pair that she really likes on someone, she get's excited, "Shoes! Shoes!" Smiling like she's just run into an old friend.
  

Sadly, one of her first words was "Boots."  

                          Yep, I will admit, I have a problem.  I LOVE BOOTS!!  
Apparently Wee One does, too. 
Walking through a mall when she was barely a year old she would point out every pair of boots she saw, and proudly say her newly acquired word..."Boots!"  Oops.

  

The Impressive thing  about Willow wearing the shoes in the photo above was the fact that she could actually walk in them!  

This has been a reminder to me that I have a huge impact on what is important in Wee One's little life... I hope she sees how much I value my God, my family, and friends as much as she sees my love of shoes!  

Which reminds me...Did I tell you about her asking for  for coclat over and over the other day?  Yep, she meant CHOCOLATE.  Now where did she learn that word?!

nishe...

What she is trying to say is "Nice."

Willow went through a stage where when someone got in her space, she would hit their face. 

Although I didn't think it was okay, I completely understood.
   

You have to understand we have a houseful of teens-- teens that think that Wee one is adorable, so adorable in fact that they can't help but constantly kiss her little cheeks.

Being a baby of very little words, she couldn't say, "Could you please just leave me alone?  You are in my space!"  So instead she would just look at them and give them a smack in the face. 

Some learned faster than others to ask Wee one for a kiss, others had to endure many smacks before catching on. 

When Willow would smack one of the love seekers, 
we would gently grab her hand and brush their cheek and say, "nice, nice..."    
                     Well, that didn't work. 

Eventually we ended up just putting her down and walking away when she hit.  She quickly realized that she didn't like that and the hitting subsided, and her groupies soon figured out that they could ask Willow for a kiss and every once in awhile she would     grant
                                                                               their
                                                                                  wish. 

Today Wee one wasn't feeling well because she has a few of her molars coming in
-OUCH!-
             and she was C-R-A-N-K-Y!  

It was both sad and adorable as she occasionally freaked out and shoved her hands into her mouth in  pain (sad part) and then she would immediately take her hands and rub her cheeks and say "nishe, nishe..."  (adorable part.) I am so proud of you Willow Bee.  

You are filled with so much love and you are very nishe.

Not a Baby Anymore

"Where, Oh Where, has my sweet baby gone?
                                        Oh where, Oh where could she be?"

Okay, so I can't sing very well but I really want an answer to that question!  
I have been reminded over and over the last few days how fast these baby and toddler days fly by.

Recently I was going through photos and I noticed that just a few months ago Wee One had short baby hair, now she wears her hair in two pony tails that actually look like ponytails! 

Instead of just one word and pointing to let me know what she wants she puts together a few words and takes my hand to show me if she can't make me understand.

Last night Boyfriend took Wee One to the park-- just the two of them because Grammie needed a little break.  When they got back I asked Willow if she had fun.  I was amazed when she smiled at me, nodded her head yes, and told me "fun, swing!"   Yes, I cried.
  

Silly, I know, but it was just another sign that baby days have flown.

I have been mad at myself for not keeping better tabs on all of the exciting  firsts in Wee Ones life.    I won't continue making that mistake.

Every day with this sweet little one is a blessing and I don't want to forget a minute of it.  Thank you, God.