Willow's Journey

I could kick myself for not keeping a baby book for Willow....(I won't, because I am against violence, but I do deserve a good kick!)

I thought about it often, but every time the thought crossed my mind, guilt and sadness overwhelmed my being. 

"I am not the one that should be keeping a baby book, filling in all of the precious firsts that take place in Wee ones life..."  is what I kept telling myself.  Truth is, I was the one that has been blessed to see all of those precious moments that Moms treasure. 

Willow's  first time rolling over, sitting up, her first tooth, crawling and then walking...the  dancing and singing.  Do I remember it all?  Yes, I was there for all of it! but I wish i would have documented it all for her to read about when she is older.

I am going to make up for it!  Right here, right NOW I am going to record all of the wonderful things that happen on Wee Willow's Journey and share it with you! 

Now, since I am behind I most likely will be sharing some exciting "firsts" from her past as well.  Why not?  I can share whatever I want here... It is my blog, right? (And I'm sure there will be lots of photos thrown in just for fun!)

tiny feet, high heels.

Tiny feet, High Heels. 

Is the love of shoes inherent for some?  
I'd like to think that I am not responsible for this obsession Willow has for shoes.

Not only is she constantly putting on other people's shoes,  she seems to find the need to point out to complete strangers that they, too, are wearing shoes.

Sometimes it's cute.... other times, not so cute.   "Shoes...dirty." While pointing at the strangers feet with a disgusted look on her face.  

When she spots a pair that she really likes on someone, she get's excited, "Shoes! Shoes!" Smiling like she's just run into an old friend.
  

Sadly, one of her first words was "Boots."  

                          Yep, I will admit, I have a problem.  I LOVE BOOTS!!  
Apparently Wee One does, too. 
Walking through a mall when she was barely a year old she would point out every pair of boots she saw, and proudly say her newly acquired word..."Boots!"  Oops.

  

The Impressive thing  about Willow wearing the shoes in the photo above was the fact that she could actually walk in them!  

This has been a reminder to me that I have a huge impact on what is important in Wee One's little life... I hope she sees how much I value my God, my family, and friends as much as she sees my love of shoes!  

Which reminds me...Did I tell you about her asking for  for coclat over and over the other day?  Yep, she meant CHOCOLATE.  Now where did she learn that word?!

smells- a wee bit.

While cooking tonight Willow asked DoDo, " More, smells?"  DoDo didn't understand what she was saying, so Willow showed her the drawer.  And said, More, smells?  The drawer holds all of our spices.  As DoDo opened up each bottle, willow would say, "yumm..." or "no, no, yuck!" (18 months old)

Bittersweet

I can barely keep from having a complete breakdown this morning.  My heart is breaking for the St. Germain family.  Their son, Spencer, died this morning.  Spencer is the same age as my son.

There are so many parts to this story that bring me to tears-- The fact that Spencer is the same age as my son, the fact that his parents must feel a void that will never, ever be able to be filled, and the fact that Spencer had a twin sister.  The thing about twins is that although they each hold their own identity, they are also thought of as "one." 

I keep picturing them looking at their family photos from the past, and then picturing future family photos... always a void.  Always a missing smile and a bittersweet moment.  

              I know this feeling.  

The feeling that you are so thankful for those you have surrounding you in that photo, but it never will feel complete because of the one that is missing.

You see, I have experienced a similar loss.... My husband of 14 years died of brain cancer 10 years ago, leaving me to have my family photo taken surrounded by our four beautiful children that I was so thankful for, and the bittersweet pain that only a heart that has lost like that can taste.  

My son went to visit Spencer this past week in the hospital.  He and Spencer had know each other for a long time, but were never especially close.  For some reason, Spencer had requested that Tanner come and see him.  

I was so proud of my son.  

It was hard for him to see Spencer, who was barely able to open his eyes, and he wasn't sure that Spencer even knew that he was there.  

But Tanner knew.  

He knew he did the right thing by going, and even though he lost his Dad, he can hardly remember those times because he was so young, so this was truly the first real time he saw that this earthly life is not endless.  

A powerful message to a 16 year old boy that is in the midst of having to make all of those tough choices that a teenager must make.  

I remember all of the silly, unthoughtful things that people said to me when my husband was dying.  I'm sure their intentions were good, but their words were not always.  

For example, there was the lady that told me that I must have sin in my life that is keeping God from hearing my prayers about healing my husband.  

Or the people, yes, I said PEOPLE, that mentioned that thankfully I was still young enough to find someone else.... but the one that really stuck with me was the woman that said, "Well, at least it isn't one of your children that is dying."  I remember being completely appalled by her comment, thinking that i would choose neither, and how dare she compare one with the other.  

In the moment, she was wrong, but now I see she was right.  You become one when you are married, but you are still 100% your own being.  Your child though.... Your child is a piece of you...  yes, 100% their own being as well, but still made from you, and because of you.  Where do you find peace in this?  The loss of a child you love so much?  That you have given life to?  Only one place... Only from one hand...only from God.  

Spencer had peace knowing where he was going.  His biggest fear was for those that he left behind.  I don't know the St. Germain's, but I do know they love God.   Now that doesn't make the loss they will feel any less, and it won't make it any easier.  They will be angry, they will be sad, and they will question why.... but hopefully they will always come back to the same place that I did.... that I still do....to the peace that can only come from God.

Philippians 4:7    "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  

I pray for that peace for their family today, and for all of those that knew and loved Spencer.  God Bless You.

Image courtesy of : freedigitalphotos.net

nishe...

What she is trying to say is "Nice."

Willow went through a stage where when someone got in her space, she would hit their face. 

Although I didn't think it was okay, I completely understood.
   

You have to understand we have a houseful of teens-- teens that think that Wee one is adorable, so adorable in fact that they can't help but constantly kiss her little cheeks.

Being a baby of very little words, she couldn't say, "Could you please just leave me alone?  You are in my space!"  So instead she would just look at them and give them a smack in the face. 

Some learned faster than others to ask Wee one for a kiss, others had to endure many smacks before catching on. 

When Willow would smack one of the love seekers, 
we would gently grab her hand and brush their cheek and say, "nice, nice..."    
                     Well, that didn't work. 

Eventually we ended up just putting her down and walking away when she hit.  She quickly realized that she didn't like that and the hitting subsided, and her groupies soon figured out that they could ask Willow for a kiss and every once in awhile she would     grant
                                                                               their
                                                                                  wish. 

Today Wee one wasn't feeling well because she has a few of her molars coming in
-OUCH!-
             and she was C-R-A-N-K-Y!  

It was both sad and adorable as she occasionally freaked out and shoved her hands into her mouth in  pain (sad part) and then she would immediately take her hands and rub her cheeks and say "nishe, nishe..."  (adorable part.) I am so proud of you Willow Bee.  

You are filled with so much love and you are very nishe.